Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize