yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
