He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
