if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
