I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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