so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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