I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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