I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
