Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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