Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
