i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize