Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
