how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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