we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
