if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
