You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
