well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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