I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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