Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
