turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize