my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
