Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
