Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
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