rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
