Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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