The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
