Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
