is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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