Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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