I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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