4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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