I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
