No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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