Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
