God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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