he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
