my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize