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He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
