i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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