brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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