They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
