Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
