i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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