i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
