bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
