if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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