There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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