i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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