No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
