Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
