guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
