my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
