Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The uberlube is also flammable
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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