just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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