He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
