My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
