So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
NoShamevember. You game?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize