I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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