Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
