May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
