I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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