I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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