white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
