i was born a porn star she said
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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