hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
