My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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