i would punch a child for taco bell
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
