Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
