sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
