the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
