I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
