Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize