He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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