Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
