I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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