it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
