I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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