Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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