i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
