ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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