She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
