Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
