You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
