wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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