Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
