Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
