Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
