nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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